Obligitory

I do have stuff to post that doesn't involve Diane... I just don't feel like it. In truth I'd never update if I didn't post this stuff.

Diane and I did not plan much for Valentine's Day. I picked her up from school and we went to her house. We watched her Weird Al DVD and some 'the making of' Silent Hill stuff. On the way to dinner we were to pick up some of her brother CJ's things from a friend of his. CJ moved in with his father in a hurry some time ago and he is still remembering this and that thing he needs sent to him. We picked up his amp and guitar from his buddy... I think we interupted his buddy and buddy's girlfriend having sex. At anyrate, as we were leaving, a cat approached us. It was tiny and thin as air, with one eye clearly in need of medical attention. We decided to take it to the SPCA, but allas, they were closed. On our way to a grocery store near the restauraunt to get the cat some food, it hurled in my car. So, we got cat food and paper towels. I felt a little funny having a stray cat in my car as Diane and I ate dinner... almost... TV special-ish. After dinner at Diane's favorite restaurant we set the kitty up for the night at her house to be taken to the SPCA tomorrow.

I did the flowers and candy thing for Diane, and I wrote a letter. Some of my feelings and all that. I feel strange. I expected Diane to tell me the letter was sweet or, at the other extream, to tell me it was over the top. She cried. I dissmissed the thought of her crying being a possibility as I wrote a number of times; but, I hoped she would. Is it wrong to want someone's tears and get them? Is it wrong to be motivated to continue in this disatisfying, painful relationship by these countable moments wherein after so much effort I make the tiniest chips in Diane's wall? For anyone but Arianne reading, despite all the positive posts I've been making, this is the best and worst relationship I've been in. Diane is so very hard to reach. We do not kiss and any other touch must be coaxed from her. I become furious in private that she seems to care so little for me (emotionally or physically) and I tell myself that we do not have this romantic potential that we are playing at. That I should end this before I become to cought up in it to bow out gracefully. Then she surprises me by laying her head on my shoulder or telling me that I've never disapointed her or that other than her brother I'm the only person she cares about. Then, I'm left wondering if I am the beast here, full of emotional neediness and lust.